Saturday, July 08, 2006

A MidValley Megamall Adventure.

Today, I didn't watch a plane. I didn't watch a bird. I watched....

SUPERMAN! (returns...)

Warning: Spoilers follow. Read at your own risk.

Generally speaking, this will be among the shows I will not give a thumbs up for, nor recommend it to others. And yet, it is not exactly the type which I would advise people to save the 10 bucks for other purposes.

Predictability is probably its greatest weakness. The whole damsel in distress, evil mastermind attempts to control the world, a hero appears in time to save the day drama, is getting way too old. Or maybe it's because I'm the one whose getting old, old enough to find this drill no longer amusing. It's lame for heaven's sake! I don't know about you, but I absolutely detest seeing girls being stupid on screen. Personally, I would prefer Smallville's choice of cast and plot. For one, Smallville has a better looking Lex Luthor *wink winkz* That one hour of Smallville is definitely more worth watching as compared the movie which is in excess of 2 hours.

Let me first stress that I'm fully aware that it's a comic adaptation, with all these hocus pocus supernatural elements tagging along as a package. But basic logic? Did the director think audiences these days are that dumb? In that case, people, we're underestimated. Though not everyone may have high IQs, there are certainly somethings that even babies know that it doesn't make any sense. For instance, the scene where Superman gently floats downwards with the intention of spying on Lois' family. He's descending, hence, the cape should flap upwards, and not fall limply along his back, pointing downwards. Bad CGI. Also, bullets cannot penetrate The Man of Steel, right? I can perfectly understand Superman being bullet-proof and all, but his tight blue suit being bullet resistant too? Likely, if Superman used some high tech material for his outfit. Now if we fast forward to the scene where Lois tried to remove Kryptonite from his body, you'd probably notice that the scissors cut through Superman's suit to reveal some bare naked skin. Can anyone explain to me how is it remotely possible that the suit can be bullet-proof (I don't see any holes formed when Superman faced the machine gun) and yet be vulnerable to a pair of common scissors (operated by a woman of ordinary strength)? Common sense!

A sudden surge of inspiration in the middle of the movie (some scenes just make me yawn) lead me to two brand new theories to explain Superman's appearance.

Why does Superman's hair stay sleek and in place, especially that little curly cluster on his forehead, with so much flying and saving going on at the same time?

He's Superman. He's an alien, with alien organs behind those muscles. Chances are that he has some super-sebum glands on his scalp, functioning to furiously release enough oil to hold every single strand in place while Clark Kent changes into those blue tights. This should explain the super sleek hair-do everytime he's in that blue outfit. As for the no mess look maintained even on flights, those oil are likely to be hyper adhedsive too, to keep those strands from straying. I'm afraid I have yet to be able to explain that little curl. I'm guessing he did that with the help of saliva and a little twirl of his finger. Superman may just want to act cute like tawanese/ japanese bimbos too.

Why is Superman wearing his red underwear outside?

Superman is intent on creating a new trend, just because he's such a popular icon everywhere. He could be considering his own line of clothings for all we know. A less glamorous explaination would say that, since he's in such a hurry to change every single time, he just happens to forget that underwears belong inside, and not outside (Martha, you're not doing a good job at raising people's son, are you?) An even more ridiculous reason would be that, he wants all eyes fixated on that stikingly red area to show off the bulge. And while his nemesis is busy concentrating on somewhere else, the enemy is distracted, leaving the enemy more vulnerable to Superman's attacks.

Ingenious, I know. Thank you, thank you, I don't deserve the applause, really.

That's acceptable. Overall, the movie did fairly well, I guess. There were some unexpected twists and surprises (especially Jason!) along the way. Those being the only reasons I stayed till the end of the show.

Immense pangs of guilt now flood my heart. I have a confession to make. I ACCIDENTALLY molested a Hakka Ah Pek today. If given a choice, do ya seriously think I'd go molest some old man? Chris Pine from Princess Diaries 2 and Just My luck sounds more like a potential victim, heh heh *evil glint in the eye* Nah~ just kidding, I wouldn't like to molest anyone. Men, basically have nothing much to offer, in my opinion. Digression aside, the KTM was unsually congested, with people flooding the train from every single station. As each station passed, I felt the public closing in on me, to the extent of being too close for comfort. Eventually, I was forced to lean on a piece of glass for support, at the same time trying to avoid being too close to strangers. Too my distaste, it worsened. I had two big, burly, fat and hairy strangers with large beer bellies on both sides, with me sandwiched in between. They were so terribly close that if I had turned my head in either direction, I would be less than 2cm away from their chest. Ewww... they came with a hint of body odour (BO) too! *grumbles about my height under my breath* Then, *BUMP*, I lost my balance, I had to look for something to grip before I fall onto any one of those BO dudes (double eww). I reached behind to find something to grab, yay, I found one and regained my balance. But then it felt kinda odd. I took one look, gasped and let go. It was the hand of that Hakka Ah Pek who had been conversing loudly in his mother tongue all journey. Given that he's an Ah Pek, it's a forgivable offense. I apologised profusely, feeling sorta ashamed of myself, secretly praying that this is not one of those perverted Ah Pek who thought I was on to him or something. Thankfully for me, he gave a shy shrug and turned away. WHEW! what a relief! Expectedly, the rest ride wasn't all that smooth. Clinging onto the sides of that piece of glass wasn't the most comfortable thing to do, but it's miles better than molesting another by accident! Sheesh, I can't seem to be able to wash that thought outta my brain. It's rather disturbing having that awkward moment to replay over and over again in my brain. Argh, these are times when I just wish that my memory sucked.

1 comment:

Mr Green said...

eh, hold a piece of cloth and lower it slowly la. the cloth doesn't flap upwards.
and aiya, superman is suppose to be alien technology. with alien technology, logic applies less. just like a lot of things don't make sense in Star Wars.
by the way, you can't watch it and then blame them for making such a cheesy movie, because after all, you went in without any coercion right? :D