Friday, February 13, 2009

F-cup cookies

Despite my constant self-tease about the mosquito bites residing on my chest, let me first convince you that any methods of breast enlargement (except by good ol' weight gain) has never EVER crossed my mind.

Let me also stress that I am perfectly aware that I'm so tit-less that LCCT probably has bigger bumps on their runway than what I have on me. No more taunting, please and thank you. I already know it.

So I heard about this thingy that got me highly amused... heard of F-Cup Cookies, anybody?
(this is probably gonna be another episode of me being just jakun-ly me)

Apparently it's a revolutionary product that threatens to put the plastic surgery of breast implants out of business! Unless of course, you want breasts from F-cup to a KKK-cup!

Behold! Sheyla Hershey with her massive 38KKK-cup implants.
Certified the World's largest tits.
100% plastic, 100% lethal.
This is something even MasterCard can't buy, simply because the card can't even be swiped through that cleavage! Cash, however, is thinner, and accepted worldwide =)

I can't help but think how she's gonna sleep. See if she tried to sleep facing down on her bed, she would have to balance herself like gasing (spinning top). LOL! Funny sight. She's lucky to be Brazillian. Should she experience UK's unforgiving 29 mph wind, she'd topple forward to land breast first on the road. But then again, the breast would've cushioned her fall so she wouldn't hurt her pretty little face. FINE. I give up, can't find anything to complain about super huge boobs. There's absolutely no excuse to NOT want them.

F-Cup Cookies claims to have Pueraria mirifica, a root herb native to South East Asia as the active ingredient. Click the herb to it's dedicated wikipedia page. My 10 minutes of google searching told me that the herb is apparently a phytoestrogen that is traditionally used to stimulate breast enlargement. Strangely enough, this was not mentioned by wikipedia one bit. Hmmm...

My source told me that the product is all the rage is Malaysia right now, and that she's taking it as well. I told her to let me know when her A-cup has grown into a Large HarMein sized bowl.

"I am Har Mein. I am yummy. Do you want to taste me in your mouth?",
said the Har Mein, seductively.

If you ask me, I have plenty of doubts about this "miracle" product. Are there clinical trials performed to prove its efficacy? Even if it doesn't produce any results, is it safe to consume this product? Cancer? Liver damage? We certainly don't want a replay of The Thalidomide Incident where a product caused thousands of babies to be born with deformity. If you're tipping the hormonal balance in your body all the time, what about period irregularity, amenorrhoea (painful periods) and mood swings?

Too many of my pharmacy-jargon-abracadabra? Here's the point.
What's the point of having great tits, when your moodswing is gonna scare any men to state of temporary impotency?

Wait, forget all that. Does the product even have a license for sale in Malaysia?

Ethically speaking, I wonder if it's a good idea to have girls who has yet to see the end of their puberty flushing their systems with plant hormones? It wouldn't turn them into a plant, but should there be any restrictions made on the sale of the product? It's like giving aspirin to under-16s so that they can develop Reye's Syndrome.

But hey, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt. There's a first time for everything. Maybe the herb has been patented by its pioneer. Judging by its popularity, maybe IT WORKS. Or maybe its just good ol' puberty doing its job. You never know.

It sucks to have small boobs, and take it from someone who has them for real. Me. I totally understand why lil' teeny boppers are so enthusiastic about this product. Who doesn't want to look gorgeous, and be desired by men (even if it's just for sexual purposes) ?

As for me, I think I'll wait for my next breast-growth-spurt, due when I start producing milk for my baby. Right now, I have learnt to accept my tit-less-ness with grace, and proud that I'm not the XL-sized superficial bitch that I thought I was. I'm just a M-sized one =D

If I were Sheyla Hershey and have someone who loves me because of my KKK tits, I'll get my implants removed into a gorgeously wrapped up box as a Valentine's day gift for him. He can make love to those silicone bags, while I get a good nights sleep lying flat on the bed on Valentine's night.

We'll see if there will be a sequel to this entry, when the results come in.
Happy Valentines Day

Love, Ling.


k0k s3n w4i said...

mmm... I like Hersheys.

The chocolate, I mean. Not so much scary fake boobs. Implants turn me off something awful.

I wouldn't play with hormones so much if I'm a woman, what with all that risk of breast and endometrial cancers. And cardiovascular problems too.

Hi there.

Piggy In Da HoUS3 said...

XD XD good comparison and report! XD XD.

Adrian Lim said...

i prefer the hokkien mee than the F cup girl....

her bust doesnt look like boops....looks like watermelon breeding plantation