getting married

Today my cousin is getting married.

I extended my congratulations and blessings in a little card more than a week ago. Hopefully she will get it, because I feel dreadful for not being able to attend the wedding, or even congratulate the happy couple personally.

(Royal Mail had better not redirect my mail to Indonesia again. Malaysia = Indonesia. Seriously stupid, don't know how to read is it?)

She's getting married to a man whom she loves. From what I've heard, the lucky guy comes from a good family, and pretty wealthy too. His family is also very welcoming to my cousin, even paid a hefty sum for dowry. No wonder my other similarly aged cousins are swooning in envy Word has it that he's left a pretty solid impression on the extended family members! It can't get any better than this I guess.

Anyway... ahem.
This wedding thing has got me thinking, hard.

In any case, this cousin of mine is female, and we don't have a large age gap. I can't help but to compare our lives at this significant turn of events.

While she's happily settling down with the love of her life , I am living my days as a bachelorette, unattached and uninterested in a relationship.

While she is walking down the aisle in a beautiful white gown to say her vows, I'm slopping my way to the kitchen in my pyjamas to microwave leftovers for brunch.

While she is being congratulated on her happy occasion, I am being advised on intimidating patients with excessive honesty in counselling.

While she is kissing her groom, I am kissing my keyboard because I fell asleep doing Scripware -computer generated prescriptions.

I'm questioning my potentially pathetic present.

Sad as it sounds, I still insist on refusing to grow up. She has, and I think she is extremely brave. Marriage and responsibility is something I'm not ready to even think about. Has it already been more than 2 decades of life now? The days when I first put on my pink and brown kindergarten uniform didn't seem THAT long ago. Sigh. It's hard to accept that I am in early adulthood, reaching the end of student-hood, soon to join the hardworking citizens of the working class society.

To most women, she is having the ultimate fairytale ending, and I would be a complete disaster. I think this is another instance where I have failed to function as a female again. Personally I have dreams of becoming completely self sufficent, independent, to have abilities far more superior than any ordinary man and then some more.

Never once have I thought of having to marry a man for the sake of my living. Sure, having a partner to love is something I would welcome with open arms. However, my current prospects in the relationship department seems pretty bleak and hopeless. In spite of people showing interest, I've grown pretty numb in that sector to show any interest of that sort to anyone in return.

At the end of the day, I do want a baby of my own blood, more than a man in my life. The moment I become self sufficient, I shall go ask a genetically optimal suitor for sperm donation, because I want nothing less than the best genes for my baby. I don't need his love, I'm sure sperm is easier to ask for. For goodness sake, I'll even sponsor original DVD of his favourite pornography actress's work if that's what it takes for him to generate any sperm at all.

Despite my unconventional thoughts for my own life, I wish her the best, sincerely with all of my heart with the path she has chosen. As a cousin, I'm massively delighted that she has found what her heart desires. It must be truly blissful to marry someone you love. Because I know not every relationship can go that far.