Now that the celebrations are safely out of the way, everyone's diving headfirst, back into their revision materials.
I am scared. So scared. This is my nightmare:
13rd January Molecular Pharmacology
16th January Medicinal Chemistry
20th January Advanced Drug Delivery 1
23rd January Nutrition in Health & Disease
This time, I'm going to have to go through this alone. And I wonder how am I supposed to summon the strength I need to pull through this. I can't be strong, just because someone tells me to. It's insane.
A new environment.
That blasted English weather! Subzero temperatures, and sun-less days did nothing to keep me away from my warm bed. These gloomy days have only made my depression worse.
A new academic environment.
That thick French accent, pile loads of lecture material and taunting statistics of past years performances "scare the crap outta me", Achmed style. Lecturing styles are definitely worlds apart, although both campuses are in fact only half a day of traveling away. I don't know whether its my "Exam Cold Feet" again, or I really am clueless about everything and anything.
A new illness.
As I am typing this, I am also simultaneously wrapping more "mucus-filled wantons" to add to my ever piling collection in the bin. Yesterday I was feverish with a bad throat. Thank goodness it went away. I shall never step out when it's -4'C EVER AGAIN. Getting sick before exams. Just great huh.
I'm in Year 3 now, meaning this year contributes a total of 40% to my final degree. Pressure much? Not to mention having secured a Boots Summer Placement at wonderful Oxford, means that I cannot bear to chance any resits, or I'll have to miss my placement. And this placement also happens to mean my job after graduation, upon successful completion of the programme.
Although I do know that I have, like, half a job offer already, and I don't need a First Class to get hired, I just can't help changing this positive situation into more and more pressure! I lost count of how many times I broke down over the past few days, for the right and wrong reasons. SIGH.
Gah, life sucks. Why am I in Pharmacy? Why am I not some super genius? Why did they invent exams? Why did he let me go through this all by myself?
I wanna go home! T__T