Just last weekend, I lost 1 kg overnight. Serious! This is an accidental discovery, just like Viagra, hehehehe... Like most already know, there is no way in hell that I would deliberately do anything that will keep me away from my 45kg goal. By the way, I didn't make it to 45 kgs, weighing in at 40kg according to Hafriz's weighing scale. I think it's broken lah. Hafriz should change it. Bah.
So yeah how did I miraculously lose 1kg of shit overnight? Not fats. Shit. You read right. Still I lost 1 kg, and half an inch off my waistline =( So annoying... Bet the not-so-skinnies must be dying to kill me now. But hey, this would be so useful for those emergency prom night preparations, to fit into that tight little dress, hehe. A shortcut to lose weight and waistline instantly! And healthily.
I was having my usual constipation episodes you see. Like, the amount I shit is not proportional to the amount of stuff I consume. Plus, imagine having spent like an hour in toilet, knowing I have to shit, trying very hard to shit, only to manage only one miserable chunk of shit =( The most unproductive hour of my life. If I could've just shat a chunk more I wouldn't be so upset.
Then Fluffy came to my aid. Boy, he saves me from anything, from horrible back aches to constipation, hehehehe... He fed me this weird herbal tea that tasted very very horrible, and then a packet of Fibro Fruit. Both products that his dad religiously supports. A combination of both the Tea and the Fibre promises to make me shit like never before. I was told that it removes even those that we normally cannot naturally shit out. Yes that means even after you shit, you still have UN-SHAT SHIT.
Sure enough, I had to make an emergency dash to the loo barely 6 hours after I emptied the concoction into my system. It was like a diarrhoea... not exactly, because I didn't have watery stools, just loads and LOADS of stools!!! One sessions, after the other, and the other, and the other... I had half a dozen of shitting sessions, shitting EVERY. SINGLE. THING. I shat so much that the bottom of toilet bowl became obscured by my shit every session. I'm surprised that I didn't clog the sewage system. Oh oh oh, did I mention about the gusts of poisonous farts??? I nearly suffocated myself in that toilet. Who would've thought I was carrying so much useless shit all this while! Waste of my energy...
Everyone knows gases have a large volume, so does 6 sessions of shit. Heh heh heh. Not only did I solve my constipation problems, the bloated-ness was gone, my stomach instantly became flatter, and I think my asshole just became one size bigger =( Dang. That's some serious overnight weight loss that I had to undo. Lotsa fattening work has got to be done now, sigh. Hopefully the next time I don't gain Shit weight, but muscle weight.
Now who else wants to lose weight? I can tell you where to get that tea and fibre *winkz*