passport photos

The Curse of Passport Photos has struck again!

Remember all those times when we were dragged by the ear to some Fujifilm shop? The kind uncle would then perch me on a miserable lonesome stool, with a large piece of "blue sky" towering behind a very scrawny me. I remember looking around awkwardly in my oversized uniform, staring curiously at the black umbrellas while uncle fumbles clumsily with his cumbersome camera. The most embarassing part of the experience comes when mom starts telling me to straighten my head/hair, telling me exactly how to smile...

"Look straight into the camera"
"Push that hair behind your ears"
"Smile properly, show a little bit of teeth"
"Not so much teeth lah..!"

I mean, what the hell is "properly"? It's so subjective... And just because I'm made to smile like Teresa Teng doesn't mean I will look nice. Notice how the word "great" was avoided in that previous sentence. Some smile only work for superstars, not us. And that's precisely why we remain as ordinary citizens... For me (and most people, admit it) Passport Photos turn out quite a disaster most of the time. Often embarassing, awkward, or just downright weird.

Weird Passport Photos would be today's theme, and I shall generously share with all, my Passport Photos Hall of Fame. Starting from...

Yes, Kindergarten Graduation 1994!
That was what "show some teeth" meant to me back then, which is biting my lower lip.
You can have my front row pearlies to your heart's content. I hated that stinky robe, made me feel like an idiot. And if I'm not mistaken, some kid once pee-ed on it. Gross-ness.

Standard One, 1995
Probably one of the best shots taken to date. No teeth here because this was taken at school heh heh. No mom to complain about the absence of my teeth, that's why. Do you see any resemblance with myself today?

Standard Six, 1999
By now, you would've gained awareness that I have kept the same nerdy coconut shell hairstyle.
Blame the strict, traditional, rotan-ruled Chinese School I was in. Looking back, I hated those bangs, and my constipated expression. Told you I suck at passport photos. I was elected as "Cleanliness Officer" and was granted a hideous sky blue tie to go with my uniform. Just in case you're starting to think I'm horrible at Maths, I skipped Standard 4, hence I graduated in 1999 instead of 2000.

Form One, 2000
Finally I do not look like any ordinary coconut shell anymore. Instead I look like a mutated coconut shell. Still with the gold rimmed glasses, retro huh? From my "smile", it's easy to know that my mom was with me when this picture was taken.

Form Two, 2001
Stop laughing! I know this is like Nerdiness Extreme, especially when you compare it with my kindergarten photos. Centre parting, round gold rimmed glasses, buck tooth smile.
But believe me, the worst is yet to come.

Form Three, 2002
Voila. A personal low in My Passport Photos History!
To be honest, this was taken after school hours as a photo was required for urgent matters the next day. Sweaty, tired, and messy, I had to go take a photo. This is recorded all the evils perfectly in one shot. Oh, and I've started wearing contact lenses already since joining cheerleading! No more nerdy glasses. The pink uniform is because I was a librarian, and I was for 98% of my high school life. If you look carefully, at this point I have started to develop my trademark swollen left eye.

Form Four, 2003
Everything became slightly better here. Not that ugly a duckling already, eh? The swollen left eye persisted. You can see that I'm starting to be more comfortable in front of the camera, because this is the point of my life where I changed from that timid, quiet girl, the this current girl who is lame and loud.
Senior Librarians get a maroon vest, which I like but often sweat in it.

College, 2005
Taken from my Passport. Pardon the darker-than-neck face. Truth is, I had such bad complexion at that time that I had to use my mom's foundation to cover the imperfections. Obviously, it was not the right shade, and the results were ugly =P

Post Year 2, 2008
My current Driver's License photo. By the way, I'm no longer a "P" anymore, yay!
Still I have a swollen left eye. I don't know why. But probably this is not as bad as my previous attempts? Hahaha. My neck looks ridiculously long though, like giraffe =D Although this picture is a brief PASS for me know, I just know that I will learn to loathe it in years to come. You just wait and see. As if that's not bad enough, I will have to develop 50 more of this, for use in UK.

Why can't I just look like this on Passport photos...

Then I don't have to show all my imperfections to everyone who happens to refer to the documents. People whom I bet are strangers. I don't need other people to tell me I'm so fussy. Nearly 20 years of photo taking, and I have never found the perfect shot. Sigh. Will I ever? This is, my Passport Photo Curse.

Visa

It's official now. I've just collected my UK visa >>> IT WAS APPROVED!!!
*jumps so high I knocked a bird off course*
All that's left is my results, coming to haunt me, June 15th.

I shall now disclose all the details of my journey.

Yeah, like so cheap hor... MYR 1,499.00 (tax included) for Malaysia Airlines, Direct Flight to Heathrow Airport in London from KLIA. Economy Class of course, doink. I'm only going to say this once, I'll be leaving Malaysia on...

Thursday, 19th June 2008, 10:05 AM

Whoever forgets, well, don't get a souvenir, hmph! Hehe, be warned that I will not come back until May 2010. So don't dump me an urgent + lengthy shopping list, unless you can wait 2 years for it or you're willing to pay for courier costs. Better still, buy me an air ticket back!!! Teeheehee... From Heathrow, I will head to my Uncle Bear's place in London for the night. The following day I will head to Nottinghamshire to stalk Seetho's leng chai lecturer Dr.Mike Johnson, and preview the university, hehehe. After that I will head down to Ledbury, Herefordshire which is my official workplace over Summer. Wish The-Girl-With-No-Sense-Of-Direction lotsa luck =D

I know many out there have yet to get their VISA done. So I present to you...

Top 10 tips to your VISA application.

1) Start preparing for your VISA at least 2 weeks before you plan to submit.
Avoid the July - September peak periods.

Once "O" and "A" levels results are released, the VFS office will be jam packed. According to my aunt, she had to wait till 5pm to get it done. Also, it can take a long time for you to find out 15 pages worth of information to fill the forms with. It takes EVEN LONGER for some to dig out his offer letter and other abandoned/lost documents. Ahem ahem.

2) Download the form AND the guidelines AND the checklist.
This form is no joke, and you WILL need the guidelines to tell you exactly what information to give, for every single question. Trust me, the guidelines are much more useful than you can imagine. Download it here.

3) Take your time to fill it. Prepare the required documents as you go along.
Fill everything carefully, in a BLUE or BLACK pen only. If you refer to the guidelines, they will require extra documentation to prove your answer. Preparing documents by question makes sure you don't miss out any single document. You know lah, they are so strict. One of my friend's application (name not disclosed) got rejected recently. Be reminded that you will need all your previous passports as well.

4) Remember the Photo Specifications, and Copies of documents.
Yes, it's a different kind of passport photo we're talking about. You only need one picture with a white background, with specific dimensions stated on Page 1 of your application form. At the same time, prepare a copy of ALL the documents you're submitting. For passports, photocopy the profile page.

5) Get your Bank Draft Rm 664.00 ready 1 WORKING DAY BEFORE SUBMISSION.

For Alliance Bank account holders, you can do it at Wisma MCA ground floor. For other banks, please do it at your respective banks, or Maybank. They will require your bank draft to be one working day old.

6) Find out where is the VFS office, or get directions ready.
Wisma MCA on Jalan Ampang. Near the Ampang Park LRT station. If this doesn't ring any bell, let me put it this way, same road as Zouk. Traffic is an absolute nightmare before 10am.

7) Reach the office before 11 am.
Optimally, reach by 10am. That way you don't have to wait longer than 20 minutes for submission. But since traffic is horrible, before 11 am is fine. If you leave the building within 30 minutes, parking only costs Rm 1.50. Within one hour, parking costs Rm 2.50. You can visit Ong Ka Ting's office on the 9th floor if you have time.

8) Don't bring bags/ mp3/ metals/ parents.
Read the website. These items and any other battery operated devices are forbidden inside. Worried about a rejected applicant bombing the office perhaps. Probably also because the US Visa Office is right next door, hehehehe... Parents are prohibited accessories and are not allowed inside as well unless you're under 16. Turn off your handphone, and get ready to be checked like you robbed a bank.

9) Look your best! No hand creams.
There will be an impromptu photo taking session, and a finger print taking session. You're advised not to expect mirrors and grooming time. You are warned.

10) Keep your receipt. Check application online.
Make sure that you get a receipt for your payment. You can check your application on www.vfs-uk-my.com under "Track Passport" My application took about 1 week. If you are called to collect your visa the day after submission, experience tells me it's rejected.

If you had read up to this point. Kudos for not falling asleep. There's a bonus tip for you!

11) There's this cute young Chinese dude. Remember to swoon at him.
A little something to make Visa submission sound more fun =)

Souled out pix

Date : 13th May 2008
Time : Dinner till late
Venue : Souled Out, Hartamas.

Alright, I confess. I'm too lazy to send these pictures one by one to everybody because my bum has got too heavy since Penang. Click on the pictures to get the full sized version of my eye bags, pimples and Taa-daa...! You get the pictures without me bombarding your mailbox quota, getting irritated by sucky internet connection, or wait another few more weeks. It's a win-win for everybody =)

A big shout goes to DeeSin, for being such an angel to give us a ride, ChongNgie and Duncan for yawning with us at a corner, Chien Hui for buying the movie tickets and all who helped take these beautiful pictures =) Happy holidays...

P/s: Pictures are not photoshopped, partly because I suck at it, and so that you guys get the high quality photos.

Yen Kheng, Wee Yuen, Ju Li, Myself

Grace de la Gracie looking very sexy.

Grace and Myself.

Myself and Dr.Morris

Ngee Zheng and Dr.Morris cum celebrity.

Dr.Morris, Elaine, Yen Kheng

Duncan, ChongNgie, an intimate drink, and their entwined straws *wink*

Grace, Siow Chin and Yummy Fruit Punch

Our lab superheroins, Ju Li, Myself and Cheryl.

Myself and Dr.Billa.
I love this shot, my nose looks mighty fine in the lighting, heh heh.
Dr.Billa's nose shining like a miliion dollar diamond.
Cheh, blond moment there...*hair toss*

Ju Li, Mandeep, and myself...
...failing the sexy pose rather unsexily =(

Ju Li and Grace entwined by love straws.
Tsk tsk tsk, public display of affection, naughty girls.

Shy Lih, Siow Chin, Dr.Morris, Elaine, Grace

Mr Wong my tutor , Mrs Wong and Myself.

Mr & Mrs Wong with their unofficially adopted Ju Li =)

Sara looking effortlessly beautiful, being papparazzi-ed by me.

With Mr. Gandhi.

With the female counterparts of my lab saviors.

Jawad the lab partner and Augustine the half brother.

Chong Ngie, Dr.Morris, Kelvin
...in a Darlie advertisement audition...

Ju Li, Chong Ngie, Chong Zen, Myself.

Ju Li, Dr.Ting, and shorty me.

And then a series of severe Camwhorism follows, starring:

Christine Ju Li
Pek San Ying Ying Myself

*Shock*

*Innocent*

*Sulk*

Pek San knows I've gone bonkers.

Ju Li, Myself, Pek San

With Neil, our basketball MVP =)

With Chong Ngie the almost housemate.

Not forgetting Bad Boy Duncan.

The Tiong Family Portrait.
My brothers Augustine and Ngee Zheng.

Duncan and ChongNgie impressed by Simmi's secondary sexual characteristics.

Ju Li, Simmi, Myself, Dr.Doughty

Hussein tagging along with my camwhoring game.
Next year, I'm tagging along to the clubs ;)

Duncan, Ju Li and Chong Ngie.

AND WE ALL LEFT HAPPILY EVER AFTER

THE END.

84 year old erection

I'm back! Fatter, Heavier and Feeling tighter in my jeans, ooooh laa laa... Heh Heh Heh. I guess it does make one feel more bootylicious when you have some fats on your body =P I haven't weighed myself yet, but I sure hope to hit the 45kg mark. And I'll do that before I shit a few hundred grams of my body weight. If I ever do, I will share it with y'all...

Ipoh/Penang was awesome, we ate a lot, and then we ate some more. No bikinis and beaches for us. We were there solely for materialistic reasons, FOOD to satisfy the inner glutton. Between meals, we stopped chewing in awe of these sites.

Penang's 84 year old Erection

In the Red Light District of Penang, we found a dirty, yellow erection, that claimed to be erect since 1924. Must be the scantily clad prostitutes and trannies that keep frequenting it to keep the erection going. Any guesses on how long the erection can hold till it ejaculates?

The Eerie Mansion/Temple

I don't know why, but it gave me the creeps. All that architecture and decoration just reminded me of old school chinese horror movies. You know, those with white faced zombies, tongues sticking out of the mouth like red floppy tail, and their characteristic bounces. I always find it amusing why only chinese zombies solely depend on bouncing for mobility purposes, and that if you kiss them on the lips, the zombies freeze. Gross-ness extreme.

The Signboard of Irony

Stupid signboard.
As I'm taking this photo on the Penang Bridge, I'm in a stationary car. Stuck in a jam.
Does that mean every car of the bridge deserves a summon?

Other Random Photos

We unknowingly stayed in the middle of the Red Light District.
Slippery Senoritas is one of the clubs and bars that had the biggest crowd that Thurday night. To our disappointment, we saw a lot of La La Mei Mei-s, no slippery spanish senoritas.

The vending machine amongst the club/bar toilets.
Getting lucky tonight? Buy a condom for 4 x 50 cents!
Got turned down? Buy some tissue to wipe off the mess from your lonely masturbation.

Now the interesting part of this banner, is not that the girls remind me of trannies.
Notice the words in RED : Kedah State SECLETIONS.
I don't see how any of these girls are any Kedahan at all, so I had no idea how the line is RED is relevant to this poster. Perhaps the only right thing about this banner is wrong spelling of "SELECTIONS". A lack of intelligence often associated with those in the modelling industry, (though I may not agree with this all of the time), especially models clad in aluminium foil.

Sighting of a gorgeous Penang chunk of a hunk, and food generously recommended by our kind local tour guide of the day, Mr. Eric Tan himself.

Taking pictures through the car window because it was raining.
Sigh, the elements were preventing me from leaving the island. Sighting of a pharmacy owned by the most egoistic of pharmacists, and he's not afraid to show it.

And I shall end this entry with a tantalizing picture of the famous PENANG CHAR KWAY TEOW, which I had 2 plates for breakfast! Cue: Salivate!